Heart is your worst enemy
by Intoxic
Summary: Magnus and Catarina talk about him allying with the Seelie Queen and the state of Magnus's heart.


" **Heart is your worst enemy"**

Magnus sent children to play on the balcony, while he and Catarina talked. His best friend was watching him closely as she finished her drink. Magnus poured himself his favorite whiskey and drank it in one gulp.

"So...want to tell me what is really going on?" Cat asked, placing the empty bottle on the coffee table. "Raphael informed me about your situation with the Head of the Institute."

"Raphael shouldn't put his nose in my business." Magnus snarled in his dramatic way.

"He's worried and so am I." Catarina reached over the table and grabbed Magnus's hand in hers. She tugged him closely, forcing him to get up from his chair and eventually sit down next to her on the couch. "Are you two broken up for real. Will you ever get back together, with Alec Lightwood?"

"I don't know…" Magnus lowered his head, trying to not cry at the mention of his lover. He barely kept himself during the meeting in the Institute. He was glad that the Seelie Queen decided to speak for the whole downworld, otherwise, Magnus wouldn't be able to avoid staring into Alec's hazel eyes. He worried that if he'd look in them, he'd break inside if that was still possible at his already broken state.

Catarina placed her hand under his chin and rose it, to look her friend in his eyes.

"I can see your pain, Magnus. You love him, truly. More than you ever loved Camille or Etta for that matter." Magnus huffed in a response before he opened up to his best friend.

"I love him, so much...call me cheesy but, I've never felt like this before." Magnus made a small pause. "But I can't let him suffer because of our love. I need him to be safe too."

"Isn't he hurting now?"

"We're at the war and I need to do everything in my power to keep our family and people safe, Cat." There was something in his cat-eyes that Catarina couldn't read. "I can't let anything happen to you, Madzie, Raphael, the other warlocks, hell even to the Daylighter. I need to protect you all."

"And this protection requires you and your shadowhunter being heartbroken?" Magnus sighed, looking beaten. "You're lying to yourself, Magnus Bane. But, I will stand by your side, whatever you decide. Even if you're choosing the Queen's side."

Magnus bit down on his lower lip and his eyes gleamed.

"Oh. Maybe I'm wrong… you have a plan?"

"When I went to her for the first time, with Luke, she was very keen on raising a rebellion against the Clave. Nothing new, she never liked the shadowhunters." Magnus explained, conjuring himself and Cat another drink. "When I learned the truth about the soul sword and demanded an entrance to the Seelie Court, she already knew about it. She has a spy inside the Clave or she works with someone."

"By someone, you mean Valentine?"

"You know her, she always chooses the winning side. So far, Valentine has two of three Mortal Instruments. It's only a matter of time before he'll realize where the real mirror is or before someone tells him." Magnus said, remembering all of the past events. The Queen was so sure of her power and her desire to start the war with the Clave. It was too suspicious. "Once he'll manage to summon the Angel Raziel, we're all doomed."

"What plan do you have? Besides the wards we've put around the city, we can't do anything more now."

"I will stay as close as I can to her, to stop her from betraying us. I will ensure safety to all of us, Catarina, even if it's the last thing I will do."

"Magnus?" They heard the quiet voice of Madzie. They turned to the direction of the balcony and spotted her leaning on the doorway. "Where is Alec?"

"Alec has very important things to do in the Institute, sweet pea. He's really busy now." She was nodding to that, with a sad smile. Magnus knew she adored the male shadowhunter, as he was the first one who didn't want to hurt her because of her origin. Magnus fished his phone out of his jacket and beckoned at the girl. "Would you like to talk with him?"

"Yes."

"How about we give Alec a call, huh? I'm sure he'd like to talk to you as well." Magnus picked Alec's number, it still was the first one in his list. He brought the phone to his ear and waited for the signal. He hoped, Alexander will pick up, even after everything that they've been through lately. Finally, he heard Alec's shallow breath. "Hello, Alec. I have someone who wants to talk to you."

He gave the phone to Madzie and ushered Cat to follow him in the kitchen.

"Hi, Alec!" He heard the little warlock's greeting and turned back to his best friend.

"She really likes him," Cat commented, rolling her eyes. "She keeps talking about you and him all day. I'm sure that even Daniel has had enough of hearing constantly the name of your shadowhunter. But, back to our conversation. What are you planning to do, Magnus?"

"I want to kill Valentine…" Magnus felt tugging on his hand. He looked down and saw Madzie holding out his phone to him. "What is it sweet pea?"

"Alec wants to tell you something really, really important." He took the phone and excused himself for a moment.

"Yes?"

"I don't know if Luke told you already," Alec was saying, trying to keep his tone cool. "Jonathan is dead. Jace and Izzy killed him."

"That's good to know."

"Yeah," Alec replied, taking a deep breath. For a moment there was an awkward silence between them. "I wish you'd told me about the wards…"

"Secrets aren't that fun, are they, Alexander?" Magnus heard some crashing through the phone. "I see you need to get going. Goodbye, Alexander."

Magnus didn't give the younger man a chance to reply as he hung up. He returned to Cate and Madzie.

"Sweet pea, go play on the balcony some more, while I talk with Catarina, ok? I will teach you how to conjure sweets later." She squealed in a delight and ran to other children. "So, back to my plan. The wards will keep any Nephilim in the city, so I will have an advantage over Valentine. I won't be blocked by Alicante's magic. I will kill him, so all of our people and shadowhunters would be safe."

"I think you should tell Alec about it before it will be too late to mend what's been broken," Catarina advised tapping on his chest with her ring finger. "You love him and you deserve to be happy."

"But I need to ensure the safety to our people, our family, my children, Cat."

"Raphael will be fine, Simon too. Madzie and me as well. Just because you want us to be safe it doesn't mean you have to suffer through this." She lectured him with a serious look. "You from all of us should know that emotions such as love make us stronger. I know he betrayed your trust, but you still love him. And you'll be suffering even more if you'll keep distancing yourself from your shadowhunter. Talk things over, before it's too late, Magnus."

"Let me guess, Raphael talked to you and told you everything he said to me," Catarina confirmed it with a simple nod. "My own family, gangs up on me. Unbelievable."

"We love you, and we're worried. Even Madzie knows something is off with you. When Raphael came to us and spoke about you, she was really worried." Magnus looked in the direction of the balcony, where all warlock children were playing with cats. "I think you're confused, Magnus. It's all new for you."

"I don't know, how to act around him now. When I see him, my heart yearns for him. All I want to do is to run up to him and kiss, but then my mind tells me about his betrayal… I don't know what to do. He hurt me, by choosing his people over me…"

"Aren't you doing the same now?" Catarina concluded, receiving a small glare from Magnus. She supposed to be on his side. "Look. I understand your both positions. You're both leaders and the safety of your people was always the priority for both of you. But then suddenly you fell in love with each other so strongly that you have no idea how to act when problems arise. These are not normal, mundane problems because you're far from being a normal couple, Magnus. Suddenly you're divided in two. You want to protect your people, but on the other hand, you want to protect each other. It is not easy to be in love, and even harder to be in love with someone from the other kind. I think you both got lost in this love and the war happening now."

"I'm not sure where you're going with those words, Cat."

"You were always just protective of people close to you. Me, Raphael, other warlocks...hell, back in the days even Camille. Even when you were in love with Etta...she was mundane, our world wasn't her problem." Catarina explained more. "And then you meet Alec, who's shadowhunter, the total opposite of your past lovers. He's not like any other shadowhunter and it's drawing you to him. You opened your heart for him, you let him crumble the wards you've put around your heart. You let him claim you in every possible way. You let yourself be loved and happy with him. I think that maybe for a moment, somewhere in the middle of it, you both have forgotten that you are downworlder and shadowhunter. And it kicked you in your asses."

"So what should I do, huh? Run to him and beg for forgiveness? He lied to me, betrayed me."

"No." Magnus was shocked by this reply. From all of her words he thought she wanted him and Alec to make up. "You need to have a long, long, long talk about everything that happened, about your feelings. Maybe it will be good for you to be on a break some more, but not in this hostile atmosphere, Magnus. You need to clear things between you, and maybe it will take a long time, but I'm sure, it will be worth in the end."

"Since when you and Raphael had become so wise, huh?"

When Magnus was left alone in his apartment, he let himself dwell on Cat's words. She was right, he was lost in his love for Alec. The sudden, great feeling crushed his wards and his usual behavior. Alec wasn't the first lover who had hurt him by lying, but he's the first one Magnus gave his heart and soul to. His lies hurt twice more. Magnus was torn in two. He would love to be with Alec again, to have him by his side, be able to kiss him whenever he felt like to, to lay next to him in bed and listen to his little, adorable snoring.

But he was too hurt by Alec's lie to forgive him just yet. Magnus needed to reevaluate their relationship and Alec had to do the same if they wanted things to work out at some point. Magnus wanted that, despite being hurt, he didn't want to give up on his love for Alexander. He couldn't. He loved the shadowhunter too much.

Magnus pulled out his phone and texted his ex-boyfriend.

 _I'm sorry for being rude and disrespectful today. We both need a break from each other, Alexander. Your lie hurt me so much, that I'm lost now. I love you, but I need to be alone for a while and think everything out. You do the same. When the war is over, we can rethink our relationship. If you need some warlock's help, call Catarina, she will help you, I'm sure of it. She's a great warlock. Please, give me some time and don't look for me, don't call. I will reach you out, my darling._

A minute later, he got his response from the young man.

 _I all the time you need. I love you too, Magnus._

Magnus truly hoped Alec understood his reasons, or at least that he will give him some time if he still cared for the warlock. However, a few hours later, Magnus was beyond furious, when he saw Alec Lightwood standing in his doorway, asking for his help.

* * *

A/N: Did you like it?

I love a good angst and drama in the show, but I still hope they will make up, despite the hurtful sneak peek.

Review if you feel like to,

Intoxic


End file.
